


where the sky meets the earth

by seokminsun



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Non-Idol AU, alternative universe, seokmin is precious and optimistic, soonyoung is gay and a mess, theyre both adults, title taken from w. todd kaneko's poem with the same name!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 04:04:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13115634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokminsun/pseuds/seokminsun
Summary: Soonyoung’s new violin student is cute and bad at playing the violin. He won’t tell him either.





	where the sky meets the earth

**Author's Note:**

> huge thanks to [mik0rin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mik0rin), who beta:ed this fic and endured many late night conversation about it when I needed help and advice. 
> 
> this was an absolute pleasure to write, and i hope it's as fun for you to read as it was for me to write!
> 
> (i also want to give a heads up if anyone feels uncomfortable/trigged by hospital scenes and/or diseases. there'll come a scene in the fic but i wouldnt call it explicit. just so you know!)

There’s a cute guy outside Soonyoung’s door.

Soonyoung is walking towards his practice room, frantic because he has forgotten the time when talking to a colleague, and he slows down considerably when he gets a look at the man - boy? - sitting in one of the chairs. He seems nervous, Soonyoung deduces, jumping up and down with his leg. He looks up at his face as he’s slowly walking forward, where a sharp nose is located with sharp cheekbones accompanying it well.

_Please don’t be here for violin, please don’t be here for violin, please don’t-_

But of course, the guy is there for violin. What else? Not cello, not flute, not piano, not vocals… The man’s voice startles Soonyoung out of his self-pitying mind.

“Oh, hello! I’m here for violin classes.” The guy stands up and Soonyoung breaks out in cold sweat. This is not going to end well.

You see, Soonyoung is a social butterfly. He loves talking to people and spending time with people. But he does not handle attractive strangers well. There’s just something about a complete stranger being so unfairly good looking that makes him nervous. He doesn't want to make a fool out of himself but whether he likes it or not, people’s beautifulness always makes him out of it. And that’s not a good quality if you’re a violin teacher.

“Ah, yes, Lee … Seokmin?” Soonyoung recalls from the register over new students he checked last night. “Nice to meet you.”

Soonyoung doesn’t shake hands with his students, because usually, that feels weird and uncomfortable when Soonyoung just wants to be comfortable and open with them as quickly as possible, so he smiles at him and opens the door to his practice room.

“Come on in,” he tells him and holds up the door for the man, who smiles a little nervously at him in return. He walks into the room and Soonyoung closes after him. Soonyoung takes his usual seat and after a moment’s hesitation, Seokmin sits down as well on the chair opposite him.

“So, you’re here to learn to play the violin, yes?” Soonyoung says, flickering with his gaze, not to be caught looking at Seokmin’s face for too long.

“Yes,” Seokmin says, unclasping his hands from where they are seated in his lap. “I mean, it wasn’t entirely _my_ choice…”

Soonyoung doesn't want to teach anyone who's not willing to learn, even if that someone is cute. So he asks, “It wasn’t?”

“No! I mean,” Seokmin says quickly, sheepishly looking down at the ground. “I’ve always wanted to play the violin, but it was my friends who signed me up here.”

“You got some nice friends,” Soonyoung relaxes in his chair and a small, small part of his brain is relieved Seokmin isn’t going anywhere just yet.

“I know,” Seokmin looks up and meets Soonyoung’s gaze, letting out a troubled sigh. “I feel somewhat embarrassed now. Everyone is either eight and have just begun playing or sixteen with scholarships. I’m simply old.”

Seokmin shrugs defeatedly, looking too alike a lost puppy for Soonyoung not to laugh. He holds it in though.

“How old are you, Seokmin-ssi?”

“Twenty four,” he mutters, eyes still on the floor.

“I’m older than you by two years then,” Soonyoung says cheerfully. “Anyways, it’s never too late to start to learn something new. Have you heard the expression, ‘Better late than never’ before?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says, his frowning face easing up just a little. Soonyoung chuckles and stands up just as Seokmin says, “Thank you, Soonyoung-ssi.”

“No problem. Now, let’s begin?”

Seokmin nods enthusiastically and Soonyoung goes to fetch a violin a size fitting of his student. When he comes back, he puts the violin carefully in Seokmin’s hands, who looks at it with panic and cradles it delicately, and then instructing him how to hold his bow. He puts Seokmin fingers on the far end of the bow, separating his fingers so they look somewhat right. His fingers are warm, just like his aura, and they’re very pleasant to hold (long and slender, kind of bony).

When Seokmin has gotten the hang of holding of the bow, Soonyoung starts to talk about the four strings on the violin.

“Here’s G, D, A, and E, and if you put your finger on the D-string you can get another-” Soonyoung looks up to check Seokmin’s reaction to all this new stuff, and he’s startled to find his eyes staring into his own, brows furrowed in concentration.

Soonyoung is a flawed human being, just like countless others. He knows his faults and his weaknesses and he remembers all of his embarrassing moments in life. He knows that an embarrassing moment can present itself at any moment, that it’s just lurking around the corner, because he’s often very unlucky in many things. But nothing, no scenario playing out in his head, could prepare him for this.

Suddenly, there’s saliva on Seokmin’s face, and Soonyoung is beyond horrified to discover it’s his own. Seokmin shuts his eyes tightly, frozen in place, and Soonyoung finally snaps out of his _oh-my-god-what-have-I-done_ haze and runs to fetch some tissues. He cleans Seokmin’s face whilst silently cursing his own traitorous mouth and body for reacting in such a weird way; spluttering to the extent that he basically spits on someone, none other than his _student_.

“Oh my, I’m _so_ sorry, I swear, I didn’t mean to-” Soonyoung says and tries to fight the urge to crawl under a table and stay there forever. Seokmin waves him off, smiling brightly even though he just got spit on moments before.

“It’s okay,” Seokmin reassures him and Soonyoung retracts his tissue from his face, his cheeks steadily growing red. “It could’ve definitely been worse.”

“Shit, once again, I’m so sorry,” Soonyoung tries again but Seokmin only smiles, like he enjoys getting spit on. Soonyoung averts his gaze to the clock hanging on the wall, finding himself more relieved that the time is up than with any student before. He wraps the lesson up while trying to looking not too embarrassed and quickly bids him goodbye before he rushes away to hide in the staff’s room for the rest of the day. Why God decided to punish him like this, Soonyoung has no idea.

—

Soonyoung didn’t think the second meeting with his new violin student could be any worse than he imagined it, but when Seokmin enters the room after some careful knocks and smiles at him in that pitying and kind way, Soonyoung is ready to disappear into thin air. Unfortunately, the human body cannot disappear into thin air and Soonyoung is stuck smiling back at him as normally he manages while his heart painfully beats in his chest.

“So, you decided to come back after that whole incident?” Soonyoung asks and regrets it as soon as it’s out.

Rule number one when you have done something embarrassing: Sweep it under the rug. Never talk about it again, don’t even _think_ about it. That’s how Soonyoung has survived in his twenty six years of living. But apparently, that rule doesn’t apply to situations where Lee Seokmin is involved, because Soonyoung’s mouth is stupid and partly tongue-twisted and desperate to say something that’ll humor him.

“Yep! I can’t just give up like that, can I? Not when my friends are this emotionally invested in my playing,” Seokmin says while packing up his violin. He adjusts the bow and puts his chin on the violin’s chinrest, looking up at Soonyoung with an adorable expression. “I’m ready to start now.”

“Good. And for the record, practice makes perfect, I promise,” Soonyoung lifts his violin as well before putting up a sheet in front of them. It’s the song Soonyoung starts teaching all his students, because it’s almost impossible to get wrong. He himself thinks it’s pretty smart since the students will slowly but steadily get into reading and playing the notes _and_ will be satisfied since it’s a 99% chance that it will sound nice.

“Thanks, boss. I’ll begin now then…”

Once again, Lee Seokmin proves him wrong. What comes out from that violin is almost… Ghost-like. Like what you would imagine nails on glass mixed with a woman’s scream would sound like. Soonyoung holds back a shudder and instead focuses to correct Seokmin’s playing.

“Here, put your finger there instead and draw your bow with more determination, it’ll make it sound better-”

 _Practice makes perfect_ , Soonyoung exasperatedly thinks after the lesson ends, almost frantically. _Practice makes perfect_.

—

As the weeks move forward, Soonyoung keeps meeting Seokmin every Friday morning at 10 a.m to teach him the basics of the noble art of violin playing. While Seokmin’s playing is not the best he’s ever heard, the lessons soon start to become Soonyoung’s favorite time of the day.

Why, he asks himself after each lesson, why is that so? The answer is quite simple. Seokmin is a very funny guy and, Soonyoung being Soonyoung, can’t resist playing along with his stupid puns and ending up hurting his stomach with his laughing. He has no idea himself why it is so much fun being with Seokmin, but it’s definitely something with his warm aura and easy personality that makes the lesson go so much faster than Soonyoung really wants them to.

“You’re already too bewitched with him,” his colleague, Wonwoo, tells him one day at lunch. He looks at the other with raised eyebrows.

“Are you serious? I barely know the guy,” He says, feeling some strong urge to protest at that statement, since it is 112% wrong. Seriously.

Wonwoo just raises an eyebrow in return. “Barely know him my ass. I can no longer count on one hand how many times you’ve mentioned him already _this_ lunch date.”

“S-So?” Soonyoung suddenly feels a little insecure. It can’t be that many times, right?

“It’s been twenty minutes, Soon,” Wonwoo deadpans and goes back to his eating while Soonyoung ends up with a minor inner crisis.

Okay, so maybe he’s a little whipped. But only in the _oh-look-you’re-a-funny-guy-to-hang-out-with_. No way he’s feeling so much for a guy already. No way.

The next week, when he gets caught staring at Seokmin’s face a little too long, his beauty mark to be precise, he looks away immediately and prays to whoever’s listening - God, Buddha, Satan - that they will take pity on his poor soul and save him from this torture.

“It’s the Lee Seokmin effect,” Seokmin grins at him, waggling his eyebrows. Soonyoung looks around, faking surprise as well as he can (read: not well at all).

“Are you talking to me?”

He just continues to grin. “I said, it’s the Lee Seokmin effect. It’s not your fault.”

 _Seriously?_ “Oh, you think you’re so handsome, don't you?”

Seokmin puts a finger to his chin, looking deep in thought for a second. Then his face split into a smile. “Yeah.”

“You little-”

“No, no, I was joking, please!” Seokmin shrieks as Soonyoung pokes the bow in his sides, making him laugh and jump away.

Seokmin might not be the best player in the world, but he’s one good friend. And Soonyoung’s not gonna change that, not for what might be a stupid little crush. Absolutely not.

—

An hour later after Seokmin’s sixth lesson, Soonyoung leans back in his chair, a fond smile ghosting on his lips. He shakes his head, deciding to go to his colleague Wonwoo’s room to bother him instead of just sitting around doing nothing in wait for his next lesson.

“Hey nerd,” Soonyoung doesn’t bother knocking, just opening the door and sitting down on Wonwoo’s floor.

Wonwoo doesn’t look up from his laptop when he says, “How’s his playing going?”

Soonyoung groans a little. “His playing is on another level, even for a beginner. But, of course, we all start somewhere. Hopefully he’ll improve in some weeks time.”

Wonwoo snorts, continuing to write on his computer. “Yeah, I heard. I’m happy the walls are isolated. They’re not too isolated, though.”

He spins in his chair suddenly, eyes narrowing in on Soonyoung so rapidly he feels fear grow in his chest. “What is his name?”

“Lee Seokmin?” For some reason, it comes out as a question. Soonyoung clears his voice. “Lee Seokmin.”

“He’s cute, right? I saw him in the corridor earlier,” Wonwoo says, eyes still glued on Soonyoung.

“I-I guess?” He says, feeling a bit intimidated by this.. Whatever it is. “He- But wait. Were you watching us? You usually never come out of this room, only when I have food in the staff’s room.”

Wonwoo smiles, completely unbothered. “Of course. I’d never miss out on an opportunity to watch my dear friend become a flustered and blabbering mess.”

“You evil, evil man, Jeon Wonwoo. Were you perhaps filming me too, hm? Wanting some leverage for future occasions?”

He raises his eyebrows. “I wasn’t, but that’s actually not a bad idea.”

“I’m going,” Soonyoung announces, standing up.

“Wait,” Wonwoo says and takes hold of his sleeve just in time. “I’m joking. I just thought it was cute how red your cheeks were, that’s all.”

Soonyoung looks suspiciously at him. “...Right. Best friend qualities indeed.”

“I know,” Wonwoo smiles happily and lets go of his sleeve. “Now, go to your lesson. We can talk later.”

“Sure,” Soonyoung grumbles and leaves the room.

Stupid, stupid Jeon Wonwoo and his way of knowing Soonyoung’s feelings by just looking at him. Sometimes, Soonyoung curses having such an observant friend, not being able to hide anything. Or maybe it’s just that he’s too transparent. Maybe he should work on his facial expressions. _Wonwoo’s gonna tease me forever_ , he groans just thinking of it and starts to regret all his life decisions.

He opens his eyes and sighs. Sometimes he really hates Jeon Wonwoo.

—

Sometimes, he _really_ hates Jeon Wonwoo. The sometimes being when he buys Soonyoung’s favorite snack to eat the last piece of in front of him, when he messes around with his phone and takes ugly photos of Soonyoung and then sending them to all of his contacts, and when he leaves him stranded in the music school with no way to getting home.

“See you later, loser!” Wonwoo smiles from behind the steering wheel, pulling down his sunglasses - it’s not even sunny outside, what the hell - and drives off, ignoring Soonyoung pleading cries.

“Wonwoo, no, get back here!” He shouts, but to no avail. Wonwoo’s already gone, driving into the sunset with Junhui by his side, the two of them looking annoyingly beautiful. _Goddammit_ , Soonyoung sighs. _How the hell am I supposed to get home now?!_

As on cue, a car pulls up in the parking lot. A tinted window rolls down and Soonyoung bows down awkwardly to see the driver inside. A familiar smile greets him and a “Hey, do you need a ride?”

“Uhm,” Soonyoung says. “Well, yeah, but I don’t wanna bother you...You’re my student, too, it’s not right for me to-”

“Just jump in,” Seokmin says and leans over the consoles to open the door. Soonyoung is hesitant, frowning before realizing that this is his only good option unless he wants to spend one and an hour on ´ bus for a thirty-minute car ride. He gets in the car, shuts the door and puts on his seatbelt. Seokmin drives out of the parking lot and grins happily towards him.

“Where to, boss?”

Soonyoung doesn’t bother hiding his smile. He pulls up the address on his phone and shows it to Seokmin when he’s driving very slowly on the side. Seokmin nods. Soonyoung says, ”Thank you.”

“No problem,” Seokmin says, turning down the radio a little. It’s blasting an upbeat song and Soonyoung could practically feel the spring and rebirth in the air. Spring is his favorite year of the time, just because of the anticipation of summer and the flowers blooming prettily. He looks out the window, smiling happily at the blue sky.

“Doesn’t everything just feel really amazing today?” He nearly beams, suddenly full of excitement. Seokmin looks at him with somewhat more downcast eyes than before.

“Not my playing today,” he says, voice turning sullen towards the end. Soonyoung turns his gaze to him, seeing his knitted eyebrows and pouting mouth, and he feels his whole body soften in the seat.

“No, no, you’re doing fine,” he lies through his teeth and tries to ignore the professional part of his mind telling him not to sugarcoat Seokmin too much. But how could he, when he looks up at that with hopeful eyes and his mouth looking like that, like it’s threatening to break into a smile?

How could he, when Seokmin isn’t even aware that his smile makes Soonyoung's hands go clammy and that the concentrated look on his face when playing violin makes him duck his head to hide a smile?

Lee Seokmin would be his downfall, he knew it already. He would give everything to keep that dumb smile on his face, and that’s usually not the most reassuring sign when it’s been four weeks and he’s his student.

“Really?” He looks from the road to Soonyoung and then to the road again.

Soonyoung smiles softly, too softly. “Yeah. Practice makes perfect, right?”

“Of course, what was I even thinking,” Seokmin says with newfound determination, looking at the road once again. Soonyoung shakes his head lightly but is unable to get rid of the smile on his face.

They’re almost at his place when Seokmin asks one fateful question that makes him still in his seat: “So, how did you end up as a music teacher in this place?”

“Uhm,” he says, not expecting that at all. He doesn’t quite know what to respond.

“I mean,” Seokmin carries on, probably noticing Soonyoung’s hesitation. One hand on the steering wheel, he makes a lot of gestures with the other, like he’s nervous that’s he’s gonna be misunderstood. “You’re like, amazing at playing the violin - didn’t you tell me you’ve played for fourteen years? - so why aren’t you off in a fancy orchestra in some European country or performing solo somewhere? You’re really good, so don’t try to blame it at that.”

Soonyoung gets out a laugh. “No, I won’t blame it on that. Truthfully, I always wanted to become one of the greats, or at least, one that people would pay money to listen to. As I was little, I dreamed of standing on stage, nothing but the violin in my hands and the notes in my head, pouring my heart out through music. I kept that dream for a long time. But you know, life gets in the way.”

A short pause, then, “When I was seventeen my mother became really sick. After that sickness, she’s never gone back to fully normal. Her memory is hazy and she doesn’t always remember us, and she’s too weak to take care of herself. My dad was long gone before I even was born, and my brother’s all went their different ways before all of this happened. I had to take care of her, there was no other choice. And since then, I’ve always taken care of her. The dream that little Soonyoung had is gone by now.”

It’s quiet after that, Seokmin probably taking in the information and Soonyoung already feeling embarrassed. He feels comfortable sharing this with the other, but now he feels vulnerable and stupid. He’s desperate for the other to talk, to say anything.

“Oh,” Seokmin says, looking at him with something like sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Soonyoung shakes his head, firmly, though his voice is wavering. “Don’t be. I have a great life, I like my friends and my job, even though it wasn’t what I originally planned for. Besides, I get to be your teacher, right?”

He does his best to smile genuinely and Seokmin smiles too, the tension in the car easing up considerably. “Yeah, that’s definitely one of the perks.”

“Hey, stop acting so cocky,” Soonyoung considers to shove him in a teasing way but doesn’t, thinking of traffic safety and all of that. He ends up side-eyeing him and Seokmin burst out laughing.

“I promise, I promise, I mean it!” He laughs and looks at him, quieting, then, “I mean it.”

Soonyoung does his best not to choke on his saliva, but he, of course, fails and chokes on his saliva.

“Are you okay?” Seokmin asks, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

“Y-Yeah,” he says, coughing and looking out the window, not letting Seokmin see his face.

It’s quiet for a while, a comfortable kind of quiet, until Seokmin says, “You should do it, you know.”

“Hm?” Soonyoung absentmindedly says, in the middle of thinking of his mom and how he hasn’t seen her in a while.

“Perform solo in front of an audience,” he clarifies, like it’s not a big deal at all.

“Well,” Soonyoung says, his tongue having a hard time moving. “I can’t.”

“Why not? Surely, your mother must be okay just one night, right?”

“It’s not that simple,” he tries, a little uncomfortable, because he feels a little too much at the same time. “I mean, yes, sure, one day wouldn’t hurt, but…”

Seokmin takes his eyes off the road and onto him for a second. “But what? I don’t mean to sound rude, hyung, but you deserve happiness too. You deserve to reach your dreams and never look back with bitterness and resentment at your past.”

He’s never called him _hyung_ before, only Soonyoung-ssi or boss, and that single word lets out a swarm of butterflies in his stomach.

“Yeah but- I feel- It’s-” He tries to put his feelings into words, but it’s hard. “It just feels weird, thinking about it happening in reality, not in a dream.”

“That’s because you’re scared,” Seokmin says, so confidently that Soonyoung wants so desperately to believe him. “It’s always scary trying new things, but I still think you should do it. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Do it now and regret nothing.”

Soonyoung lets out a shaky laugh. “I wasn’t aware that you were some kind of life coach, Seokmin-ah.” _What the heck_ , Soonyoung thinks. _Hyung and Seokmin-ah it is._

“Always at your services,” Seokmin says and grins at him, all too wide and sincere and beautiful.

When Seokmin drops him off at his place ten minutes later, Soonyoung profoundly thanks him and Seokmin does a little salute, prompting him to laugh and wave goodbye to him as he drives off and becomes a little spot on the horizon.

It’s the Lee Seokmin effect, Soonyoung thinks as he unlocks his door. “ _No one can resist all of this_ ," he remembers Seokmin saying.

Well. He might not be entirely wrong.

—

The next week, Seokmin misses a class. He calls in and he sounds hoarse and not too well, making Soonyoung worry about him. When he expresses his concern, Seokmin only laughs it off.

“It’s just a cold, hyung. I’ll be fine until next week.”

But the next week, he’s still not back. Soonyoung becomes restless and uses his personal phone to send him a message. A single one that he thinks will send his message loud and clear.

Me - 10:03  
snake

Lee Seokmin - 10:04  
Wow  
Picking on the vulnerable  
I thought you were better than this, kwon soonyoung-ssi  
For your information, my boss at the shoe place was more forgiving than you are

Me - 10:06  
….  
okay i already regret it  
rest well  
come back soon

seokmin ♡ - 11:08  
I will, hyung

Soonyoung tries to hide the fact that he’s bored and miserable without Seokmin, but judging by Wonwoo’s occasionally stares and smirks, he fails miserably at it.

 _Not a good sign, not a good sign_ , he tells himself because he’s never taken a liking to someone in that way _this_ fast, but when Seokmin arrives next Friday with a bright smile on his face and two coffee cups in his hands - just because Soonyoung told him he loves cappuccino early in the mornings - he doesn’t have the power to care anymore.

—

Soonyoung loves going grocery shopping.

He has loved it since he was little, from the time when he could ride on the cart and throw in his favourite cereal boxes in it and laugh at his mother’s disappointed yet amused shake of her head. He loved picking out candy for the weekend, even though his mother ended up only buying half of them. He used to love the feeling of helping his mom with the groceries, earning a pinch on the cheek, a kiss to the forehead and a “You’ve been very good today, thank you, honey.”

Now, he loves going grocery shopping for different reasons, like buying delicious food and several tubs of ice cream, but it’s still the same feeling from when he was a boy.

On this particular grocery shopping trip, he’s on the lookout for tomatoes and socks, since all of his comfortable ones have either disappeared (very weird, considering he lives alone) or have holes in them. Thankfully, he manages to navigate through the big store and ends up in front of a shelf full of clothes. He picks out some socks with cute patterns on them - because really, who doesn’t like cute patterns on their socks? - and is just about to explore the wonderful world of caps when he hears a familiar laugh around the corner. He stops, peeking up from the shelves that are as tall as he is, seeing two men standing in the shoe try-out area.

They’re laughing, the tallest of the two hitting the slightly smaller lightly as he says something to make him laugh like that. Soonyoung can only see the backside of the guy who’s the shortest of them, but he recognizes his body frame and foremost, his infectious laughter.

 _Seokmin_.

Seokmin turns and Soonyoung disappears once again behind the shelves, feeling a sudden urge to just stand there and watch. Watch his body language, his smile and the way he talks. He wants to watch him in peace, without worrying that Seokmin will catch him staring, just taking in the sight of Lee Seokmin in a tank shirt and dark sweatpants. Casual Seokmin in all his glory.

Before he can stop himself, he’s imagining a sleepy Seokmin under the soft covers of a bed, the morning light hitting his face so gently and making his brown eyes positively sparkle. A perfect scene of tenderness, love, and gentleness. Soonyoung wants that, he realizes. He wants that real bad.

 _What is the problem?_ He asks himself, like many times before. Why can’t he just confess that he’s feeling something more than just a teacher-student bond between them, that he wants all of those perfect mornings with him, that he wants to hold his hand and caress them. Why is it so hard? It’s just pulling him aside one day, tell him and hope for the best.

But it isn’t that easy. Nothing rarely is. A thousand books and songs will tell you how hard it is being in a one-sided love but never having the courage to confess. It’s not like he’s the first one being afraid of it, but it somehow feels like he should be better at this _feelings_ stuff. He’s twenty-six, goddammit, he’s an adult, he should be mature and experienced with this kind of stuff. Expect that he’s not. And the fact that Seokmin has this weird effect on him, making the words come out both faster and harder than usual, makes him nervous.

He’s a coward, too. That’s what it really is. He’s afraid of saying those simple words out loud, he’s afraid of Seokmin’s reaction and he’s afraid of what it will do to him.

He’s still watching Seokmin, he realises as he snaps out of his own thoughts. Seokmin has his arms around the tall guy now, leaning on him with his back to Soonyoung, pointing at some shoes and talking quieter now.

Seokmin shifts, putting his hands around the guy’s waist instead, putting his chin on his shoulder. Soonyoung stays hidden, knowing it would be very weird if he would make his presence known now, and his gaze is stuck on Seokmin’s hand that rests easily on the guy’s waist.

Something hot is burning in his chest suddenly and he feels it rise and rise and rise, until it’s in his throat and then his mouth, threatening to spill over if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut.

He shakes his head, trying to convince himself that he probably ate something bad earlier. He takes one last look at Seokmin before turning and walking as quietly as possible to the end of the store, not wanting to be seen by Seokmin.

That night, he lies awake, looking up at the white, boring roof; pondering and thinking. He thinks back on earlier that day, on Seokmin’s gestures and acting towards that guy. He begins to wonder if Seokmin has a boyfriend, or a girlfriend. The idea is only logical, he thinks, because how could people not see all of him and not want to love him forever? Wanting to hold his hands and kiss his cheek in public? Lie next to him, peacefully sleeping with his legs intertwined with their own. That thought is just absurd to him. No, that can’t be. He must have someone special. Maybe that guy back in the supermarket is that person?

The longer he thinks about it, the more he feels upset. _Why? Why can I just act like a functional human being for once?_

As always, in times of disbelief and worry, Soonyoung relies on his good friend to tell him what to do.

Me - 01:35  
fuck  
wonwoo  
help

Wonwoo - 01:37  
What is it????  
Has something happened???

Me - 01:37  
yeah  
my stomach hurts and i dont know why

Wonwoo - 01:38  
Did you eat something bad??  
Is it serious??

Me - 01:39  
not that i can think of  
i’ve just been laying around thinking about stuff  
do you think seokmin’s got a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Wonwoo - 01:41  
Oh my god  
Let me get this straight  
You message me out of the blue, at half past one in the morning  
Making me worry about your lame ass  
Being on the verge of driving to check on you  
TO TALK ABOUT SEOKMIN?!?!?!

Me - 01:43  
well  
no?  
i’m just worried because my stomach hurts  
i didn’t plan on talking about seokmin

Wonwoo - 01:44  
What happened.

Me - 01:45  
well, i don’t know if this has to anything to do with it  
but i thought about seokmin since i saw him in the mall today  
he had his arms around a guy and was acting very close to him  
idk  
my stomach started hurting and i thought about talking to you…  
oh wait  
oh  
do you think…

Wonwoo - 01:46  
Yes??

Me - 01:46  
that i’m jealous???  
thinking about it now, it does feel kinda like jealousy

Wonwoo - 01:47  
Wow  
You figured it out.  
Now, I’m going to bed.

Me - 01:47  
wonwoo….

Wonwoo - 01:47  
Bye bye, sleep well.

Me - 01:47  
):  
goodnight

Wonwoo - 01:48  
Don’t worry.  
It’ll turn out just fine.

Me - 01:48  
i hope so…

—

The only thing Soonyoung thinks about in the days before his class with Seokmin is, unsurprisingly, Seokmin. Only the thought of him sets the birds inside his ribcage free and and do happy somersaults in his stomach. He tries to ignore it though, because it is all too overwhelming, and instead busies himself with his violin playing, pushing himself more than he has in a while, desperate to only focus on the music and not how it reminds him of the very man he tries to not think about.

One afternoon when he has just wrapped up a lesson with a particular talented 10-year-old, he sits down, sighing. He doesn’t have to go anywhere for an hour or two, so he stands up again, pulling out some music sheet from his book stand, smiling as he looks over the complicated mess of notes. He lifts the violin to his chin and begins.

It’s one of his favorite pieces in the world, from a heartbreaking opera that gets Soonyoung bawling every time he sees it, and he gets so caught up in the playing, feeling his spirits lifting and his sweat trickle down on his cheeks. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his mouth in a soft smile, he loses track of time and, before he can register it, the door behind him opens and a voice calls out.

“Soonyoung, aren’t you supposed to go see your mom now?” Wonwoo says behind him and Soonyoung stops playing abruptly, his eyes widening a split second before he gets into motion, putting down his violin and stepping out of the room. He silently curses himself under his breath for not being more attentive of time passing while locking his door and walking fast down the hall to the exit.

“Okay, well, you’re welcome!” Wonwoo shouts from behind him. “Tell your mother I said hi!”

“Will do,” Soonyoung answers back before stepping out on the asphalt and into a warm breeze. He looks up at the sky, seeing white, fluffy clouds against an innocently blue sky. He takes a picture with his phone, meaning to show his mother when he gets to her.

On the bus, he allows himself to get lost in his thoughts, looking out on the city. It’s like there’s a gray filter on the whole world, making the buildings, the roads, and the people look dull. _Maybe because it’s been raining a lot lately_ , Soonyoung tells himself. But he’s not so sure. Has it always looked like this? _Does_ it always look like this?

He shakes his head, trying to get his mind on something else for the rest of the bus ride.

Twenty minutes later, he steps out of his bus and walks the rest of the bit to the old people’s home. He greets the staff and walks to Kwon Insoo’s room, number 17, and carefully opens the door.

“Hello mom,” he says, walking inside and closing the door behind him. His mother spins around and smiles happily upon seeing who it is.

“Soonie,” she coos, waving him forward to her rocking chair in the corner. He crouches in front of her and takes her soft hands in his, holding them tight.

“How are you?” He asks, looking into her tired eyes. “Is the medicine working?”

“Barely,” she croaks out, repositioning her in her chair, and then stills. She gets something shiny over her eyes and she stares out in nothing until he shakes her gently.

“Mom?”

“Who are you?” She says, voice removed of any of the feelings he could hear in it just seconds before. It sounds dull, neutral, like talking to a stranger. “Who are you?”

“It’s me, mom, Soonyoungie,” he says, knowing the drill by now. “Your son, remember? Your youngest son, the one who always cried when he got tired and wouldn’t sleep without his teddy bear?”

She’s still not looking at him, not really. “My son, yes, Soonyoungie. He’s such a nice young man, have you met him? I always wished for him to marry a nice girl, but he doesn’t even like anyone right now….”

She sighs. “I worry about him, you know? I just want him to lead a good life. Don’t you think so too, Hyunwook?”

“Mom,” he whispers now, the thought of his father burning in his chest. “Mom, do you wanna see a picture I took right before coming here?”

She nods absentmindedly. He pulls out his phone and shows her the photo up close, with a hopeful smile on his face.

“Isn’t it beautiful, mom? Don’t you think?”

She nods, eyes going clearer as she looks at the photo. “Yes, it’s a very nice photo.”

He scrolls in his photo album, wanting to show her the other pictures that are signs of spring finally arriving. He’s his mother’s boy, you could say. After hearing his mother gush about how lovely of a season spring is as little, he started to like it more and more until it’s become his favorite season too.

Insoo leans towards the phone and squints at it. “Who’s that?”

Soonyoung angles the phone to himself and sees Seokmin and his smiling faces on the screen. He almost drops the phone out of surprise, not expecting the photos they took the other day to appear there. He must’ve scrolled the wrong way. Oh God.

He lifts his gaze to his mother, who looks thoughtfully at the screen. “Who’s that?” She repeats.

“It’s my, um,” Soonyoung says, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “My violin student.”

His mother looks very determined when she points at the screen with her fingers. “That is a good looking boy. He looks so handsome, almost as handsome as my Soonie.”

“I’m here, mom,” he says, cheeks still red but dropping in temperature, his shy smile turning into a sad one. “I’m Soonyoung.”

“Oh right,” she says, then pats him on the cheek. “Soonyoung. I love you, you know that, right?”

He smiles weakly at her, doing his best not to show how much he missed her, her old self. “I know, and I love you too. So much.”

—

_Be strong. Don’t let him get to you. Don’t. Let. Him. Get. To. You._

Soonyoung tries to ignore Seokmin. He really does.

He tries to answer shortly to his messages, pretend to be busy when he’s calling, and not think about him too much. Because that feels weird and he feels guilty and confused and angry.

He really tries to. But when he recieves a message Thursday morning from the man he’s trying to avoid, he really can’t stop his heart to race. _I look forward to tomorrow!!_ with _way_ too many emojis.

Soonyoung is weak. His heart is too soft and fragile, and his body is like jelly. He’s a weak, weak man because his body moves automatically, and he writes back almost instantly, matching Seokmin’s level of enthusiasm with equally as many emojis.

_So much for being strong._

—

The next time Soonyoung sees Seokmin, he tries to swallow the ugly, ugly feeling in his chest and smile as usual at him. He tries to get his expression under control when talking about a piece Seokmin’s gonna play this time, but the picture of him with another person is always behind his eyelids as soon as he closes his eyes.

He tries and tries, because he feels embarrassed about thoughts, but when he catches sight of Seokmin’s worried face, he knows he’s not fooling anyone (least of all himself).

Seokmin lowers his violin and looks at him with an eyebrow raised. “What is it, hyung?”

He laughs nervously, not lowering his violin, his gaze stuck on the sheets. “What do you mean? We’re in the middle of playing, Seokmin-ah.”

Seokmin looks unconvinced. “Come on, you’re as transparent as water.”

“It’s nothing,” he says, not budging. Seokmin sighs a little and then lifts the violin to his shoulder. They continue on playing, Seokmin’s question lingering in Soonyoung’s head.

Soon, way too soon, the lesson ends and they’re packing up their stuff. Soonyoung looks at Seokmin’s face when he carefully puts his violin in the case and the words are out before he can stop them.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

Seokmin looks up at that, surprised expression melting into an amused one in only one second. Soonyoung kinda wants to die.

“No. Why do you ask?”

“Uh,” he says, looking determinedly _not_ at Seokmin’s smug expression. “Just curious.”

Seokmin’s expression is growing more amused and Soonyoung breaks under his stare. “I saw you with a guy the other day, and you looked very … Domestic.”

Seokmin looks stunned for a second, but then smiles slowly at him. “It was probably just one of my friends. I’m a big fan of skinship, with pretty much everyone.”

“Oh,” Soonyoung says, laughing a little. “So he’s not your boyfriend?”

“Nope,” is Seokmin’s carefree answer. “I’m as single as one can get.”

That makes Soonyoung laugh for real, and Seokmin looks pleased. Then, his expression changes again.

“Were you jealous?” Seokmin teases and Soonyoung decides to play along in a desperate attempt to hide his blush, dropping in a bow and taking Seokmin’s hand, kissing it gently. He looks up at him from his potion in that awkward prince-like bow and smiles.

“For you, always.” It’s not meant to sound that soft, nor genuine, but Soonyoung has no control over his body anymore, because Lee Seokmin, self-proclaimed maker of blushes, is _blushing_ in front of him.

He holds Seokmin’s hand longer than necessary but judging by Seokmin’s shy smile and the way he looks away from him, Soonyoung feels like he did the right thing.

This time when they separate, they’re in the corridor and they’re waving each other off. Soonyoung waves and Seokmin does the same. Seokmin takes a few steps, then turns around and waves even more enthusiastically than before. Soonyoung returns the gesture. They do this for the length of the corridor, finally bursting out in laughter when Seokmin’s at the threshold.

Seokmin waves, one last time, and Soonyoung is stuck with his laughing eyes after he’s gone. He shakes his head as he turns to go to his own room, trying to suppress his smile.

“You two are ridiculous,” Wonwoo calls out from down the corridor. Soonyoung isn’t even surprised that he was watching them.

He waves him off because if he’s ridiculous with Seokmin, what’s there to be ashamed of?

—

Soonyoung and Wonwoo are having lunch together when one of their colleagues sits down beside them and smacks a flyer on the table way more dramatically than necessary. She brushes her bangs out of her eyes and stares at Soonyoung.

“Look, Soonyoung,” she says, looking closely at his face as he picks up the flyer and looks at it.

_SEOUL SOCIETY OF PERFORMING MUSICIANS PRESENT ‘THE STORY UNFOLDS’ - OCTOBER 8, MUSIC HALL_

“Eunhee...” Soonyoung begins, knowing where this is going, but she holds up one finger.

“Soonyoung, they’re saying they’re looking for two or three violinists since some of their previous ones dropped out,” Eunhee says, the excitement overflowing, making the words come out rushed and her hands wildly gesturing. “Don’t you understand? This is your chance! Your chance to tell the world, ‘Hey I’m Kwon Soonyoung and you all should pay attention to me because I kick ass and I may be the next David Oistrakh.”

Soonyoung starts to regret telling his friend about the dream that never became a reality; a big part of it being that she’s practically shouting it out to the entire staff room with her usual loud voice, but when he sees her kind eyes full of hope and excitement, he knows he can’t be mad at her nor regret sharing anything he holds close to his heart.

Eunhee and Soonyoung have known each other a long time, longer than he and Wonwoo have, since they both started working as teachers at the same time, about when the music school has first opened. Being the two of few teachers at the moment, Soonyoung and Eunhee were drawn to each other, sharing and talking about the similarities and differences between the cello and the violin under the soft lighting in the darkly lit staff room. Since then, they have being going steady friends. Soonyoung trusts her knowledge and brilliant mind, but right now, he doesn’t know if he should. I mean, comparing _him_ to David Oistrakh. That’s crazy.

“Aren’t you exaggerating a little now?” Soonyoung asks, not looking up from his food.

“No, I am definitely not,” she argues, determined. “Now, what do you think? I know you’ve been saying that you’re happy just being at this school, teaching the violin, but come on, I _know_ a big part of your heart is just begging to perform.”

Wonwoo nods, speaking up for the first time since Eunhee got there. They seem to have an enemy-friend thing going on there, so Wonwoo is sometimes careful around her. “She’s right, you know. I see it on your face whenever you watch real-time concerts in a far away country.”

Eunhee looks at Wonwoo, shocked, probably not expecting him to agree with her. She clears her throat after a moment and looks back at Soonyoung again, who starts to feel afraid of the intensity of her gaze.

“You see, even Mr. Egg-Head here agrees with me.”

“Why do I even bother,” Wonwoo states, sighing and staring sadly into nothing.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. Maybe a little, _little_ part of me wants to perform, but…” He trails off. Wonwoo and Eunhee are both staring at him now, eyes expectant.

“But..?” Wonwoo tries after a little while of silence.

“But… My mom…” Soonyoung says, feeling like he said something wrong when his friends both scoff at him.

“Soonyoung-ah,” Eunhee says, leaning a little closer over the table. “Dear, dear Soonyoung. Your mother is gonna be fine just one night. It’s near Seoul too, so there’s only two hours to her house if anything happens. Maybe it’s not the shortest ride, but it could be far, _far_ worse. So, Soonyoung, stop making up excuses. You have none. You’re just scared.”

The words hit something in him, something that burns and aches, and Soonyoung thinks back on the similar talk he had with Seokmin some weeks back. How he also said he’s just scared. Scared of getting his dream fulfilled, or at least, the way for the dream to become fulfilled. That he should go through with it, and have no regrets later in life. That he’s not going to let his fears rules his future.

But so what? What if Soonyoung’s afraid? He has never perfomed that way before, only dreamt of it, so what if he fails? Fails under the pressure of hundreds of careful, jugding, eyes watching, playing a wrong note or getting out of rhythm? He isn’t sure if he could go back to playing like he used to if that happened. He isn’t sure if he would be able to be to see his dream crumble down in front of him, _because_ of him.

“I know that you’re already overthinking this, but Soonyoung,” Wonwoo says, pulling his attention from the table to his deep eyes. “You should do this if you want to. Don’t mind the audience or anything like that, just focus on the music. Get lost in the music and play it so everyone hears, and finally, finally, be free.”

—

Soonyoung’s on his couch, watching some cooking show on TV since he has nothing else to do when his phone lights up with a message beside him. He looks at it and squints when he sees an unfamiliar phone number. He picks up it and unlocks it to see what the message says.

Unknown Number - 20:33  
Hello. This is Xu Minghao  
You probably don’t know of me, but I’m Seokmin’s friend  
And I’d like to clear up some things

Me - 20:34  
oh, hello seokmin’s friend!

Unknown Number - 20:34  
Hey Soonyoung. I’ve heard many great things about you.  
Anyway, Seokmin probably hasn’t told you, but we (me and Mingyu, his other friend) were the ones who signed him up for your lessons  
And we’ve been paying for them, too  
I’d like to inform you of some things so we can stop paying for these lessons  
While making sure Seokmin doesn’t lose his smile

Me - 20:35  
that sounds serious.

Minghao - 20:35  
You can calm down because it isn’t.  
It’s just that Seokmin been feeling like he wants to quit playing the violin  
But at the same time he doesn’t because he still wants to be your friend

Me - 20:36  
oh. he doesn’t like the violin anymore?  
and why doesn’t he feel like we could still be friends?

Minghao - 20:37  
I don’t know if he ever liked it that much, I think he liked the idea of it more  
And who knows what’s going on in that head of his  
I certainly don’t  
And I’ve known him for more than five years

Me - 20:38  
haha. Should I talk to him about this then?  
and why are you telling me, by the way?

Minghao - 20:38  
Yes, please, talk to him  
I feel like it’s a waste of my precious money if he doesn’t want to continue anyways  
Also, it’s because Seokmin would quit, since he’s too afraid it’ll change your friendship

Me - 20:39  
Precious

Minghao - 20:40  
I could argue but I kinda agree with you on this one

Me - 20:40  
then, thank you for this information Minghao!! it is greatly appreciated

Minghao - 20:41  
Anytime  
Now please make him stop wasting our money

Me - 20:41  
Haha will do!

—

“So,” Soonyoung casually says in the middle of playing one day, lowering his violin slightly to get a better view of Seokmin’s face. “There are other ways to see me, you know.”

Seokmin only looks at him with a blank expression. He continues, “You don’t have to continue coming to these lessons if you don’t like it.”

Now, _that_ gets a reaction out of him; widened eyes, still body, flushed cheeks. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, finding this whole situation slightly funny.

“You weren’t supposed to find out,” Seokmin blurts, not even checking he’s talking about what Seokmin was hiding from him. Soonyoung almost smiles. _He’s bad at lying._

“Soonyoung hyung, I’m so sorry,” he says, sullen, while looking at the floor. Soonyoung laughs and punches his arm lightly.

“What are you apologizing for? You don’t like the violin, fine. It’s a shame because I love it, but I wouldn’t ever hold it against you. It’s completely normal to fall in and out of love with things,” Soonyoung tells him in his best teacher-voice, and he sees Seokmin’s face ease up little by little.

“Are you sure? I feel bad that I’ve wasted so much of your time to not even continue….”

“Come on, Seokmin, do you really believe that?” Now, he does his best _are-you-kidding-me_ expression with raised eyebrows and pursed lips - basically the whole set. “Your lessons are the ones I have looked forward to ever since you started coming here. Don’t be ridiculous. I haven’t wasted any time with you, trust me.”

Seokmin looks up at him, eyes big and face hopeful and open, looking younger and more vulnerable than usual. It’s only then that Soonyoung realizes what he has said, but right now, he can’t bring himself to care. The only thing important is Seokmin, and the way his eyes soften in relief.

“We can hang out in our free time instead. Your place, my place, whatever,” Soonyoung says, finding that uncertainty has found its way to his voice. He doesn’t want to assume anything or say the wrong thing. Is this how Seokmin must have felt all these past lessons, that he didn’t want to mess it up? “Right?”

Seokmin nods with more force than necessary, looking determined. “Of course. I’d love that.”

Soonyoung smiles at him, too much warmth and happiness and sincereness but hell, screw it, it’s Seokmin. It’s Seokmin, so Soonyoung lets down his guards. It’s Seokmin, so Soonyoung can’t bring himself to care about anything else. “Great.”

—

It’s Monday evening after Seokmin’s last - and final - lesson and Soonyoung paces around his living room, clutching his phone tightly in his hands. _Should I call? Or maybe wait some days, not to look too desperate?_

It’s been three days, so maybe it’s too soon. At the same time, Seokmin has already resigned his lessons on the web and they won’t meet this Friday, as they’ve always done. What if Soonyoung gets Seokmin-induced abstinence? What if Seokmin forgets about him?

He shakes his head, knowing what he’s doing right now is ridiculous. He should just call or leave it be, not go forth and back like this. Damn indecision.

He decides to just _fuck it_ and call Seokmin. He wants to talk to him, he’s been longing to talk to him all day. During classes, during lunch, during grocery shopping. All day he’s been thinking about what Seokmin would say, how he would look - he would probably wear a T-shirt in a bright color and his favorite pair of jeans - and how he would laugh together with him at the weird, human-sized cut out of Spongebob standing in the middle of the grocery store for no reason at all. So before he can change his mind, he clicks on the little phone symbol next to “seokmin ♡” and takes a deep breath before lifting the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” A voice on the other line answers. Soonyoung swallows at the sound and stops pacing around.

“Hi, it’s me,” Soonyoung says. “Soonyoung, I mean.”

He closes his eyes. He knew this would be awkward. The frustrating thing is that he is always awkward on the phone, no matter how much he tries or no matter how comfortable he is with the person usually. Goddammit. He really does _not_ need this right now.

“Oh, hi, hyung!” Seokmin’s voice is higher now, brighter than before. “How’s it going?”

Soonyoung laughs a little, a strained sound that comes out so much hoarser than he expects. “I’m doing great, what about you?”

“Me too!” He says and Soonyoung can hear something in the background. Deep, male voices and maybe glasses clinking together? “Guess what!”

“What?” Soonyoung says, sitting down on the couch, the nerves in his stomach finally fading out a little.

“Drumroll please,” Seokmin announces and Soonyoung obeys, slapping his legs lightly for the right effect. “I got promoted to the Assistant Manager at Shoes and Who’s!”

There’s some loud and happy exclaims at Seokmin’s end of the line and Soonyoung makes a little celebratory shout too. “That’s great, Seokmin-ah!”

“Thank you!” He can hear a smile in his voice and suddenly, Soonyoung feels alone and small in his dark apartment.

“Is anyone with you? Am I interrupting?” He doesn’t want to invade and interrupt Seokmin’s time with his friends.

“I’m with my friends right now, but don’t worry, you’re not interrupting anything,” Seokmin says and mumbles something to his friends that Soonyoung can’t pick out. “Anything on your mind, hyung? Or do you just want to catch up on these very, very long four days we haven’t seen each other?”

His tone is teasing but Soonyoung is not embarrassed or offended since he knows its all in good fun. He can’t even _try_ to picture Seokmin purposely trying to hurt someone. He’s too kind for that.

“Oh, you read my mind, darling,” Soonyoung exclaims dramatically, pausing to give extra effect. “I could not bear hiding in the shadows and not see thou beautiful face in all its glory.”

“We’re talking on the phone,” Seokmin deadpans seriously, then chuckles into the phone.

“We are,” Soonyoung agrees, then reaches into the farthest little spot in his heart for some courage to say these next words. “For real though, I was actually wondering if we could meet up someday? Whenever you got time, though, and only if you want to. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything, since we haven’t really hung out outside of lessons, and it’s totally cool if you’re-”

“Hyung,” Seokmin stops him, and Soonyoung doesn’t know if he’s imagining the smile in his voice. “Of course I want to hang out with you. You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“Oh,” he breathes, posture going slack. “Good to know.”

“Dork,” he says, and Soonyoung can almost _hear_ Seokmin’s eye rolling. “Well, are you free this Saturday? I know a good restaurant that I think you’d like.”

“Saturday is an excellent day for me,” Soonyoung says without actually checking his calendar. Whatever he’s got, he can reschedule it.

“Great,” Seokmin says and Soonyoung notices that the background noise at Seokmin’s end has quieted down, like he’s in a different room from his friends. “I’ll pick you up then?”

“Yes, please,” Soonyoung murmurs, rubbing his neck. He’s a little embarrassed that he doesn’t have his own car and that Seokmin will always have to pick him up in the future. He wants to do something for Seokmin too, to give and not just to take.

“Then it’s settled,” Seokmin says and Soonyoung repositions himself on the couch, laying down instead. He puts his arm behind his head, like a pillow. “I have to get back to my friends now, though, or else they’re gonna burn the house down. I’m happy you called me hyung!”

“Me too,” Soonyoung says, a smile tugging at his lips. “Save your kitchen now and we’ll see each other on Saturday. Bye, Seok.”

A rumbly laugh. “I’ll try. Goodbye, Soon.”

—

The restaurant is not the fanciest place and Soonyoung thanks whatever heavenly creature above for making the wise choice of not dressing up too much.

Well, “not the fanciest place” might be an understatement. It’s borderline a fast food restaurant, with beeps and bright lights blinking behind the counter where a young and seemingly stressed girl takes their order.

“What would you like today?” she asks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, looking back at her coworker and hurriedly saying something about the fries and hamburgers.

Okay, so maybe it is a fast food place.

But so what? It’s not like this is a date or something. It’s not like Seokmin’s taking _him_ on a date. They’re _friends_. Friends eat casually at fast food places.

Soonyoung lets Seokmin take his order first, then orders the jalapeño fried chicken wings Seokmin had promised would change his view on chicken wings forever.

They take their food and goes to sit in the middle of the randomly scattered tables and chairs in the restaurant, since all the other seats are taken. It’s crowded and Soonyoung sits pushed between two tables, so he leans forward slightly to not accidentally end up elbowing anyone.

Soonyoung’s beginning to feel warm and hearing all the sound around him suddenly makes him lose his appetite, and he’s about to say something about it to Seokmin, but then he looks at him, and he sees his happy face when he takes a huge bite of his hamburger and chews with his eyes closed. Soonyoung feels a little of the unpleasantries fade away and he decides to hold his mouth, because as soon as Seokmin is happy he doesn’t mind having to talk loudly to get heard over the other customers or ignore the constant beeping behind the counter.

“Try the hamburger,” Seokmin urges when he’s done swallowing his food. Soonyung takes a bite and after a second, he nods with a pleased smile.

“It’s really good. I can’t believe I’ve gone twenty-six years without this,” he says and continues to devour the food, too focused on his eating to care about anything else.

It’s only when he’s done with the chicken wings that he looks up, a napkin halfway to his mouth when he stills, noticing Seokmin’s gaze on him. There’s this lazy, stretched out smile tugging on his lips, and Soonyoung feels like he’s done something great, even though he has no clue what that is.

“What is it?” He says, not exactly _not_ liking Seokmin’s eyes on him.

Seokmin shakes his head, almost fondly. “Nothing.”

Soonyoung’s eyes narrows at this, but Seokmin changes subject and Soonyoung decides, after a beat of hesitation, to drop it.

“How’s your job? Are you getting that raise yet?”

Soonyoung sighs. “Not yet, but I’m trying. My boss is just very stubborn and very fond of his money.”

“Do you want me to come there and … let’s say, _convince_ your boss?” Seokmin asks, leaning forward on the table, and Soonyoung laughs simply at the idea of it.

“What are you gonna do? Fight him with those scrawny arms?”

Seokmin lifts one arm and flexes it, doing little to convince him. His cocky face falls and he begins to pout as Soonyoung’s laughter just continues.

“Hyung, you’re seriously so mean to me. I’ve been working out! Is it that unnoticeable?” He’s still pouting, but it’s slowly fading away as Soonyoung laughs even harder. He joins him, and in that moment, Soonyoung doesn’t give one shit that he’s in some fast food restaurant on Saturday night and it’s crowded and small and uncomfortable. He’s perfectly fine as he is, his knees barely touching Seokmin’s under the table while drinking in the sight of him, laughing with his head thrown back and his smile shaped so softly, so delicately, like it was carefully made by the most beautiful creature in the sky.

Sometime later, when the sun has disappeared from the sky and the moon has taken its place, they’re still sitting there, talking about nothing in particular. That’s Soonyoung’s favorite thing about Seokmin: he feels so at ease with him, so comfortable, that it really doesn’t matter what they’re talking about, it’s fun just being with him.

Right now, Seokmin’s slurping down his ice cream slash smoothie as he gestures wildly about different dog breeds.

“I’d definitely want a Samoyed, I think they would really fit me, you know? But at the same time, I’ve always wanted a small dog that I can have in my lap and on my bed without any problem,” Seokmin looks out over the restaurant, a pondering look on his face.

“Then, why haven’t you ever gotten a dog, if you’re so in love with them?”

Seokmin shrugs, shifting his gaze from over Soonyoung’s head to the napkin on the table. “I don’t know, I guess it never happened?”

Soonyoung looks at him with wide eyes. “Are you kidding me right now?”

“What?” Seokmin looks up, taken back.

“You’ve been telling me during all of the time we’ve been friends that I should live in the moment, do what I want and not regret stuff later,” Soonyoung says. “And it turns out that the master doesn’t even follow his own advice?”

Soonyoung crosses his arms, an unimpressed look taking over his face. “ _Tsk tsk_.”

“Soonyoung hyung!” Seokmin complains, whining. “That’s unfair!”

“Care to explain further on that statement?”

“Well, I- It’s never-” Seokmin sighs, slumping back in his seat. “Just… Life’s gotten in the way, I guess.”

Soonyoung looks at him more closely now, seeing the serious eyes set on the table edge. _Is he so upset about a dog?_

He’s about to ask him when he sees the downwards line of Seokmin’s mouth, realising that maybe Seokmin will tell him whatever he’s not telling now at another time, when he’s ready. _What could it be, though? Were his parents very strict during his childhood, not letting him get a dog? Do they still have big control over his life now? Is he really a CIA agent that can’t afford to become emotionally attached to a pet?_

Soonyoung drops it, and so does Seokmin, and they decide to take a walk to enjoy the still warm weather that’s gradually gotten a lot colder in the past few weeks. They put on their coats and walk out of the warm restaurant, into the chillier outside air.

They silently agree to walk to the right, to the park that’s located some hundred meters from them, the conversation they’re having continuing on. It’s all very domestic, Soonyoung thinks, with the only thing left to do is taking Seokmin’s hand and putting it in his warm pocket. Soonyoung thinks about it, staring at Seokmin’s hands that are casually swinging by his side, and he thinks he’s gonna go crazy. That’s when Soonyoung, desperate for something else to think about, or else he’s just gonna take Seokmin’s hand in his, clears his throat-

“Okay, so don’t freak out on me, but I’m thinking of joining an orchestra as a violinist for-” Not letting him finish, Seokmin moves in a flash, hugging Soonyoung sideways. “Ouch, Seokmin-ah, you’re squeezing my ribs.”

Seokmin doesn’t let go, not really, just leans back a little to look at his face. “Hyung! That’s great! I’m so proud of you!”

Seokmin is like a living exclamation mark, the excitement just bubbling on the surface, waiting to burst out. Soonyoung pushes him back slightly, not feeling like he’s getting enough air with his face so close up, and Seokmin takes a step back, the biggest, dorkiest smile on his face.

“I haven’t applied yet, and even if I would get it, it wouldn’t be permanent. Their original violinists dropped out with few weeks in advance, so it’s probably just this one time, until they find other ones.” During the whole time when Soonyoung’s talking, Seokmin is staring at him with that big smile of his unmoving, not saying anything. Soonyoung leans forward to check on him. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course! I’m just happy for you,” he says through a smile. “What orchestra is it? Where? What time?”

Soonyoung laughs, feeling fond of the idea of Seokmin rooting for him this much. “It’s the Seoul Society of Performing Musicians, I don’t think you’ve heard of them, they’re not that big yet. It’s in Music Hall and on 8th of October, I think.”

Seokmin’s eyes widen. “But’s that’s in like, five weeks!”

“I know,” Soonyoung says, looking out over the green park that was by this time of the day dark and hidden by shadows. They keep walking, slower than before, like they have all the time in the world.

“It’s such a short time to learn the pieces though! Orchestra concerts are often very long, aren’t they?” Soonyoung turns his gaze to Seokmin again, looking from his fierce eyes to to his hair that’s been growing fast lately and keeps falling into his eyes, making him brush them away every now and then. Soonyoung resists the urge to brush them away himself.

“That’s why I’m feeling so nervous about this decision,” he says, looking out on the park once again. Their steps sound loud in the silence, the pebbles under their feet crushing as they continue walking, making a steady beat. There are barely any people this late at night, so it feels secluded and safe and comfortable. Even the stars are out tonight, as if to make the night feel so much more romantic and possible.

 _No one would think twice if I took his hand right now_ , Soonyoung thinks.

And then, _Would he?_

“ _Come on_ ,” Seokmin says, tugging his hair in frustration. “You finally have an opportunity, a very good one in fact, and you’re gonna turn it down?”

“Maybe. No?” It’s apparently the wrong thing to say, because Seokmin looks at him with his eyebrows at his hairline. “No! If you think it’s a good idea, I’ll do it.”

It’s barely gone 3 seconds and Soonyoung already feels a nervous tug in his stomach at his own words. Seokmin, however, looks ecstatic; his smile so wide it looks like it might just fall off his face, his eyes pulling up to a perfectly crescent eye smile and his hair softly lighted up from behind him, almost like a halo around his brown hair.

“I‘m so proud of you already,” Seokmin says, now turned to him, and Soonyoung’s just about to explain that he might not even get the position when he feels a pair of soft lips brush his cheek, just below his eye. They’re gone before he can register it, and leaves a burning fire in their wake.

Seokmin only grins when he straightens up from crouching down, making Soonyoung’s face beet red and the tips of his ears warm. Soonyoung wants to look away, to hide his embarrassment and his stuttering heart, but Seokmin looks away first, now grinning at the ground.

Soonyoung is happy that it’s dark. Instead of commenting on the sudden action, he goes back to the subject before. “You’ll come then? To the concert?”

They walk side by side in the cool night, arms only inches away from each other. Soonyoung can feel the warmth radiating from Seokmin. The latter looks up, that heart-stopping smile already on his lips, and says, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

—

Soonyoung takes a deep breath before entering the room with his violin and bow in his hands. He walks to the middle of the stage and bows deeply, then looks down at the judges sitting behind the table. They nod at him and one of them says, “Kwon Soonyoung, number 18. You can start now.”

Soonyoung nods, lifting his violin to his shoulder and gripping the bow, the sweat from his hands making it slippery. He takes one breath before he begins, and then, it goes smoothly.

He misses some notes’ length and the certainty in his playing isn’t the best he’s ever done, but Soonyoung soon gets lost in the music and just enjoys playing it.

It’s one of his favorite pieces, and he’s good at it, really good at it, so he decided for it to become his audition song. If he doesn’t get a position with this song that he loves so dearly and knows like the back of his hand, he’s never gonna get that position. This way, he could have no regrets later.

It’s over all too quickly, like it has gone only a minute and not five, and Soonyoung lowers the violin and looks once again at the judges. Their faces are hard to read - Soonyoung supposes this is a good quality if you’re judge - and one of them, a petite woman, leans into the mic.

“We’ll contact you soon if we have good news. Thank you for auditioning.”

Soonyoung bows again and then scurry out of the massive hall, to the waiting room where there are at least forty other players, all looking hopeful and nervous. He gets his stuff and then hops on the bus to get home. He hopes he did well and that he’ll get this position. Both for himself and for the proud smile he knows Seokmin’s going to give him. He drives home and hopes with all his heart.

—

Three days later, they call him.

“Your audition was moving and we could see that your playing is definitely on the level we need for this orchestra, if not an excellent example, Mr. Kwon. We’d like you to come next Tuesday for rehearsals. The rehearsals have been going on for weeks now but we’re sure you’re able learn the pieces-”

Her voice fades away in Soonyoung’s mind, and left is only joy and excitement that makes him start jumping on the place once he has thanked her and hung up.

—

Seokmin’s just as excited as him, the two of them jumping up and down together in Soonyoung’s apartment. Seokmin hugs him and tells him that he’s so proud, so, so proud of him, and that he can’t wait for the concert.

Soonyoung hugs him back, tightly, and thinks that the look on Seokmin’s face bring him so much more joy than the position ever could.

—

It’s the day before 8th of October when Soonyoung gets a phone call. It’s early morning, and he’s in his small practice room in his apartment, practicing the trickiest part of a piece and not trying to knock over any music stand with various music sheets on it. It’s so cramped right now, Soonyoung feels a little suffocated. And, needless to say, his mother would be ashamed of how he has maintained the room and would _definitely_ nag him about the collecting dust in the corners. He really should clean the room after the concert.

His phone blasts his happy-to-go song and he picks up after the third ring, not finding it at first. “Hello?”

“Hi hyung!” Someone says into the phone, and Soonyoung relaxes his stand.

“Oh, hi Minnie.” He might as well start cleaning right now, since he can’t practice with Seokmin on the phone. _Might as well do something productive._ “What’s up?”

Soonyoung picks up an old sock - a dirty, musty shade of green sock that he had thought he’d lost for ever - and Seokmin exhales on the other line. “Okay, I gotta tell you something.”

Soonyoung feels a tug in his stomach, but he thinks it away before it can grow any further. _Everything’s fine._ He tries to laugh it away. “Why so serious? Did something happen or something?”

There’s quiet on the other end, and Soonyoung stills. “Did something really happen, Seokmin?”

“No,” he says. “I mean, no, not really, but kinda, yeah.” There’s a pause, and it is so still and quiet Soonyoung’s tug turns into a twist. “I think I’m going to have to miss your concert.”

It goes silent, way too silent. Soonyoung can only hear Seokmin’s breathing on the other end, a little rushed and sounding forced.

Soonyoung comes to his senses soon, but just barely. “What do you mean? You can’t come?”

“No, I don’t think I can.”

“Why not?” Seokmin sounds apologetic, but Soonyoung’s voice doesn’t come out as gentle as he means it to be.

“I’m-” Seokmin stops, then huffs out a sigh. “It’s a work thing.”

“Is it that important?” Soonyoung puts down the books he was holding.

“Yeah, it’s important.” Seokmin’s voice is lower now, almost regretful, and Soonyoung closes his eyes.

“I really thought you’d see me up on stage, see me after all of those times you were on me because I should ‘follow my heart,’” he laughs, and it comes out bitter.

“I know,” the other breathes out. “It’s just- I really can’t miss it. It’s kinda life-and-death important.”

“Yeah yeah,” Soonyoung says dismissively, sitting down on the ground, back against the cupboard where he keeps all of his china. “I just thought I could rely on you when I really needed it.”

Seokmin makes a sound in the back of his throat and is just about to say something when Soonyoung continues, “Don’t bother.”

There’s something nasty bubbling inside of Soonyoung, something hurt and sad and raw. He tries to swallow it back down, keep his mouth shut, but it climbs up his throat and manages to escape his mouth.

“You know what? Just don’t bother. I’ll see you after the concert.”

With that, he hangs up. He nudges his phone away from him and then tips backward with his head against the cupboard, feeling the hard edge jut into the back of his head.

He thinks of the stage, the big, big stage, and then of Seokmin, how he imagined him down with the audience, smiling stupidly up at him with his stupid smile and stupid little wave. He closes his eyes as he feels something burn at the edge of his eyes, and he stands up before he can feel anything else. He grabs his violin, forcefully, and sets his eyes on the sheet paper once again, playing with more determination and force than just ten minutes earlier.

He’s gonna fucking rock this. With or without Seokmin, he’s gonna be the best goddamn violinist in that room. Seokmin’s gonna see. He’ll see that Soonyoung doesn’t need _him_ to be okay up there, to pull it off or to be great. He’ll see.

—

Three hours pass and Soonyoung already regret it.

Speaking so harshly, so insensitively to Seokmin’s hesitant voice of remorse, and being so frank with him, like a stranger? That wasn’t at all how Soonyoung wanted to act around Seokmin.

But at the same time, he wants to. Soonyoung’s only comfort in this whole ordeal was Seokmin in the crowd on the day of the concert, ready to catch him if he fell. His smile that would make Soonyoung feel better, the hands that would settle onto his shoulders and lead him to a restaurant, where they would talk about the night’s failure or success. Now that’s gone. And Seokmin didn’t even _try_ to change that.

Well, maybe he tried. Maybe he tried so much, because he _knows_ how much this means to Soonyoung and he _knows_ he’d hate doing it without him. _Well, I wouldn’t know, since I never asked._ Soonyoung sighs and goes into his kitchen to get something to drink.

He taps up a glass of water and takes a seat at his kitchen table. He takes a sip of the water, and it’s so tasteless he puts it down. He stands up, to just walk around in the room. He sits down again, now on the couch in the living room, shaking his head. He zaps through the channels, not really bothering to look. Everything feels wrong. He stands up again, turns off the TV and goes back to the kitchen.

After a while, he goes back to playing. He’s tired, bones creaking from too many hours of standing in the same pose, but he’s not gonna stop. This is gonna be nothing short from perfect.

—

After five hours, Soonyoung regrets it so much he feels a twist in a stomach whenever he thinks about it.

He’s stubborn, though.

“Why can’t you just talk to him?” Wonwoo asks over the shouts and sound from the TV. He’s holding his joystick tightly, his eyes stuck on the screen as he tries to shoot Soonyoung from behind. Soonyoung’s too fast, though, and an experienced player of many years, so he’s spinning around and pulling the trigger before Wonwoo can even react. He groans, leaning back on the couch as Soonyoung pumps his fist in the air.

Wonwoo, being the faithful friend he is, had agreed to come over for some pep talk before the concert. The pep talk soon changed to a gaming session.

Only when they press “REMATCH” Soonyoung answers his question. “It’s about dignity, Wonwoo, something you wouldn’t understand. The way you’re eating right out of Jun’s hands, _pathetic_.”

“Woah,” Wonwoo says and sits up. “That’s a bit mean.“

Soonyoung doesn’t answer, and instead kills an enemy in the game.

“Seriously, Soonyoung, what is up with you?” There’s a frown in his voice. “I can’t deal with you when you’re like this. I’m your friend, not a human punching bag.”

Soonyoung looks at him, for the first time since they started the game, and notices that Wonwoo has put the joystick tn the side. He feels a stab of guilt when he looks at his friend, the friend that always has his best interest at hearts and has _never_ failed him (not with anything really important, anyway).

He sighs and puts the joystick down as well. He turns, now sitting cross-legged on the floor, his whole body turned to Wonwoo. “I’m sorry.”

Wonwoo grunts out a _you should be_ , rolling his eyes, but then looks at him with much more worry. “Are you okay, though? Is it that bad with Seokmin?”

The name makes him grimace. “Yes. No. I mean-” Soonyoung put his face in his hands, feeling too many suppressed feelings surface. “I’ve never fought with him before.”

“In every functional human relationship, there are fights, Soonyoung-ah.” Jeon Wonwoo, always the reasonable one of them.

“Yeah I know, but I don’t like fights in general, and definitely not with Seokmin.” Wonwoo snorts and Soonyoung gives him a look. “What?”

Wonwoo can barely contain his teasing smile. “Because he’s that special someone in your life?”

“Cut it out,” Soonyoung says, feeling annoyed. Then he thinks about the situation, really thinks about how this is affecting him. “It’s like I was walking with the sun on my back before, everything being easy breezy, and now the sun’s being shadowed and all I can feel is cold and uncomfortable and tired.”

Wonwoo starts laughing, and so Soonyoung pushes him. “I’m sorry, but you just sound so sad. Like an abandoned puppy who got dismissed by its owner.”

Soonyoung doesn’t know why he even bothers with Wonwoo anymore, since he can’t give him any solid advice, so he turns to the TV again, ready to play. Wonwoo doesn’t let him though, and instead pulls him back to face him again.

“I just mean that you’re letting this affect you too much.”

“What should I do then? Not be affected?” Soonyoung snaps. Wonwoo doesn’t seem to mind.

“I just mean, if you’re being a dick to someone, don’t act like the victim,” he says, and probably realizes it sounds a little harsh, because his next words come out gentler. “You gotta make it right or not. But not this moping, self-pitying thing that you’re doing right now.”

“I am not moping,” Soonyoung says, crossing his arms. “I’m just… Quietly reflecting.”

“Moping,” Wonwoo corrects.

“Whatever,” Soonyoung says, dragging a hand through his hair. “I just- It doesn’t feel right. Nothing does.”

“So fix it,” Wonwoo says. “Simple. You have done something stupid, you apologize and make up for it.”

“I am regretting it, I really am… But I’m still upset with Seokmin. I really trusted him to be there for me,” Soonyoung says, not really wanting to admit it.

“I get that but Soon, everything doesn’t revolve around you. I’m sure he has his reasons, good reasons, because I can’t imagine Lee Seokmin wanting to miss your performance for the world,” Wonwoo says, looking at him with sincere eyes.

Soonyoung smiles a little, remembering the same words from another mouth, not too long ago. “I guess not.”

They go back to playing, and Soonyoung knows, upset or not, he’s gotta fix this. 

—

  
It’s the day of the concert and Soonyoung’s laying in his bed, staring at his phone. He’s been trying to click on Seokmin’s contact for a long time now, but his fingers just froze in place and wouldn’t budge. He thinks of the concert - _the concert_ \- and that he needs to get going in at least two hours if he wants to make it to the concert hall _and_ have time to spare.

He figures texting is safer and easier to talk over, so he types out a message and hits send, deciding not think about it too much (because then he would overthink and worry and probably do something stupid, again). Soonyoung throws the phone at the end of the bed, sighing as he puts his face in his hands.

Some minute later he hears a pling and, to his embarrassment, he dives forward to get a hold of his phone. A hopeful smile blossoms on his lips at seeing the text.

Me - 06:43  
hey seokmin.  
i need to apologize for my behavior earlier.  
it was immature and irrational and just plain stupid  
i’m so sorry ):

minnie ♡ - 06:45  
It’s okay! I knew you were scared and worried back then, so I totally get it  
Plus, I’m the one who bailed on his best friend before his really important and big thing  
So I’m the one who should apologize

Me - 06:45  
nooo!! it was my fault, completely  
you have no obligation to be there for me always  
you have a life too  
and stuff just doesn't work out sometimes

minnie ♡ - 06:46  
But I said I’d be there…. And then I failed my promise…

 

Soonyoung calls him and he doesn’t let Seokmin even say hello before he begins, “I’m sad that you won’t be there, I really am, but _Seokmin_. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry in the first place for something you can’t even control, okay?”

There’s a defeated sigh on the other end. “Okay. I’m still sorry, though. You know that, right? I don’t want to miss it. I hate this job thing right now…. Taking away the pleasure of watching you up on the stage.”

Soonyoung’s toes tingle and the feeling spreads upwards, up to his stomach and palms and head. He’s laying completely still in his warm bed but it feels like he’s spinning out of control in space, without any gravity to pull him down to Earth again, to sanity and his boring life without Seokmin in it. He spins out of control, but _God_ , he never wants to stop.

“Life is too short for hate, don’t you think?” Soonyoung says.

He can hear a smile in his voice this time, and it makes all the difference. “You’ve listened.”

His voice is soft, all of his worries and anxiety fading away in that moment to a quiet dull in the back of his head. “If you think I don’t pay attention to every word you say, Lee Seokmin, you’ve gotten it all wrong.”

This is crossing the fine line between friends and more, and Soonyoung knows it. He knows it too well. He’s sure Seokmin can hear it as well, the sincerity and longing in his voice, but he finds the idea of Seokmin finding out more and more appealing. He can’t keep going like this forever, he knows.

He can’t keep pretending that he doesn’t want to kiss the beauty mark on his left cheek or like he doesn’t want to thread his hand through his hair. He can’t pretend that his five thousand megawatt smile he gives doesn’t affect him more than most people, like he doesn’t want that smile all to himself.

Maybe this is the perfect moment. _Two birds with the same stone_ , Soonyoung thinks and smiles. To get it over with, to get it out in the air so he can finally breathe.

Before he can open his mouth again to say something, Seokmin beats it to him.

“Promise me you get someone to film, okay? I really, really want to see your moment up on stage,” he says, and Soonyoung closes his mouth dumbly, like a fish on land.

“Of course,” he tells him, and feels the atmosphere change. He shrinks in upon himself again, the moment gone and his heart way too afraid once again. “Wonwoo will definitely do it after some bribing.”

A deep laugh. “True friendship.” His voice turns more serious. “Will your mother be okay one night without you?”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung says, but he feels a little worried at the same time. “It’s only two hours away, so if something happens, I’ll be there very soon.”

“Good to know,” Seokmin hums, and then sighs. “Oh, Soonyoung hyung, I gotta hang up. Someone just knocked and I have a big, sneaking suspicion that it’s Minghao. He would tease me to infinity and back if he heard I was talking to you.”

Soonyoung frowns. “Why would he tease you-”

“I have to hang up now, hyung,” Seokmin cuts in, sounding a little reluctant. “I’ll text you later?”

“Okay,” Soonyoung says quickly. “Goodbye Minnie!”

“Bye Soonie,” he says, and with that, he hangs up and makes Soonyoung flush bright red at the nickname. Soonyoung immediately slides under his cover once again, letting out his very suppressed and overwhelmed feelings by screaming into his pillows.

When he gets up to get dressed, though, he’s smiling.

—

They’re late.

Wonwoo’s cursing at the traffic as cars pass by at an alarming speed next to them. Soonyoung’s in the passenger seat, wringing his hands by sheer nervousness, already sweating. He wipes his forehead and is horrified to find a spot of sweat on his arm when he brings it down.

“Why, of all days, did everyone decide that being in line for half an hour would be a great idea?” Wonwoo huffs out, frowning as he keeps his sight on the road.

Soonyoung knew they’d taken too much time at the restaurant. They should’ve cut out all the casual talking and gotten in the car way earlier. Maybe they would have missed the dreadful slow line that they got into almost immediately after continuing their journey. They couldn’t have known though, and they thought they had plenty of time before they had to be at the concert venue.

They were already five minutes late for the time where everyone would set up for the concert, one hour before the actual thing started, and it was at least another fifteen minutes until they would arrive.

Soonyoung feels his heart sinking into his chest as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks back, seeing Junhui’s delicate smile directed at him. “It’s going to be fine, Soonyoung. We’ll get there and you’ll set up, just like everyone else, so you don’t have to worry.”

“But how can I not?” Soonyoung says, feeling his heart squeeze with extra pressure when he thinks about the time and the orchestra and the concert. “I should’ve been there _five_ minutes ago, and I won’t be there until _fifteen_.”

“You have to relax a little,” Eunhee tells him sternly. “You can literally do nothing right now, unless you want Wonwoo to go even faster and potentially kill us all.”

Eunhee _does_ have a point, so Soonyoung tries relaxing on his seat. His heart's still pounding like crazy inside of his ribcage but, when he breathes out, he can feel the muscles in his body settling into the seat properly.

He looks out the window and the panic still bubbles under his surface but it stays somewhat still as long as he looks out on the cars and trees and not the tight faces of his friends. He hears a _pling!_ and fishes out his phone from his pocket, smiling a little as he opens the text.

minnie ♡ - 16:07  
Good luck hyung!!!  
I believe in you♡

Me - 16:07  
i will do my best minnie  
thank you ♡

 

At last, _finally_ , they arrive and Soonyoung’s out the car door before Wonwoo has even turned off the engine. He takes his violin case from the trunk and with his three friends behind him he strides to the door right in front of him, seeing the “Music Hall” sign above the door. He swings it open and immediately spots a reception where he walks towards.

“I’m Kwon Soonyoung and I’m here for The Story Unfolds,” he tells the receptionist, his friends finally catching up with him, Wonwoo panting behind him. The woman behind the desk smiles at him from behind her elegant glasses and gestures them to join her to a door to the left, the breezy smile still on her face as they walk on the thick and (as in any fancy place) red rug. The whole place oozes professionalism and money, both which makes Soonyoung nervous, with its silken couches and marble floor and suit-wearing people.

They’re on the threshold to the backstage of the massive - _massive_ , so much bigger than Soonyoung was expecting - concert hall when the lady halts, holding up a hand to stop them. She smiles that unnerving, all too carefree smile, now directed at Soonyoung’s friends that’s standing next to him.

“I’m sorry, but this is for the musicians only. I don’t suppose you’ll join the orchestra?” She says, looking Wonwoo up and down while scrunching her nose. He’s wearing a warm coat and a black scarf, and Soonyoung has no idea why that outfit would prompt her to look at him with so much disgust. Junhui takes a step forward, stance defensive, but both Wonwoo and Eunhee rails him back by his sleeves. Soonyoung decides it’s for the best that they’ll separate now so Junhui won’t ambush the lady with his angry words.

“No, they’ll wait outside before the concert starts,” Soonyoung says and turns to his friends, spreading his arms for the three of them to walk into them. They hug tightly and the lady’s still watching them, but Soonyoung feels safe here, embraced by the three people he trusts fully in his life. _Well._ Two are missing.

They separate and, as they walk away from him, Soonyoung thinks he’s very lucky to have them in his life: Eunhee giving him a thumbs up, Wonwoo’s eyes telling him that he’s got nothing to worry about, and Junhui’s enthusiastic waving.

He smiles as he walks backstage, the lady excusing herself to the reception, and he clutches his violin tightly when he sees the numerous players on the stage, all almost done with preparing their instruments. His eyes scan the chairs and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees an empty chair with his name on it with big, bold letters. The violins are the closest to the exit and he doesn’t have to walk past any sections with different instruments, he just has to pass some of his fellow violin players to get to his seat.

He packs up his violin and rosins the bow, looking around him for any familiar faces. His gaze is met by another pair of brown eyes right next to him and before he can greet her, Miyeon has thrown her arms around him and cried out “Soonyoung, you made it!” directly into his ear.

They’ve met four times - four rehearsals with the entire orchestra - and Miyeon had taken a liking to him immediately, talked to him like they were longtime buddies and not just meeting each other for the first time. Soonyoung likes her style - warm, bubbly, unapologetic and so, so inclusive. She made it a lot easier coming to rehearsals, with her patient smile and never ending kindness towards everyone.

“I thought you had crashed into another car or something,” Miyeon releases him and leans back onto her own chair. Her light brown hair is in a bun on the top of her head, a red bow holding it in place, and she’s wearing a simple, black dress. If Soonyoung weren’t so painfully in love he might have fallen for Miyeon.

“We ate too long, and then we got into this hellish line that just wouldn’t end,” Soonyoung smiles and adjusts his violin quickly on his shoulder. “I hope you didn’t worry too much, noona.”

“I worried so much about you!” Miyeon bursts out. “Can we exchange numbers after the concert or something? I don’t want to worry about you like this.”

“Sure,” Soonyoung says, a dumb smile on his face. He feels something warm in his chest at the thought of getting to know her better and become friends, and suddenly, the director is on his small podium, hushing everyone. Miyeon immediately quiets down, focusing her attention on the director, and Soonyoung does the same.

“Let’s warm up, shall we?” The director says with his deep and demanding voice. Soonyoung nods along with everyone else.

The warm-up lasts shorter than Soonyoung expected, and soon the thick curtain falls and hides the orchestra. Soonyoung can hear the audience entering the grand room, low murmuring, and laughs. Soonyoung turns to Miyeon, who’s already smiling brightly at him.

“Let’s do well, Soonyoung-ah!”

Soonyoung returns the smile, almost enjoying the nervous butterflies in his stomach. “Let’s, noona.”

The murmuring continues and Soonyoung suddenly thinks of Seokmin, of his warm hands and his sharp cheeks and the arch of his nose. He hopes Wonwoo gets a good video of him playing, so Soonyoung can come back to Seokmin’s proud smile and his mouth curving up into a gentle smile-

Everyone hushes and the curtain pulls back, a bright spotlight adjusting to their faces. Soonyoung squints and when the light changes to a softer, more yellow shade, he looks at the audience. He sees the director’s bow from the corner of his eyes, and Miyeon’s slender hands gripping her violin.

He lifts the violin to his shoulder and smiles.

—

“It was crazy; it felt so surreal to actually sit there and play in front of I-don’t-know-how-many people. It was amazing, just plain amazing.”

The concert has ended and Soonyoung’s in the coat room, standing huddled with his friends around him, talking animatedly while gesturing with his hands. They’re all smiling at him, big and proud, as they get their coats.

“It was just- So-” Soonyoung tries to describe it, but it’s hard. The feeling of being up on stage, of playing something people have paid to listen to, was everything and nothing he had pictured at all.

Junhui keeps hugging the life out of him, and he never lets go, just holds him tightly to himself. He’s grinning as he says, “So, it was nice? Seeing your dream come true?”

“It was so fricking mind-blowing,” he says, grinning right back at him. Wonwoo puts his arm around his shoulders as well, and Eunhee grabs his arm, and together they walk out together in this weird and very unpractical way to the chilly autumn breeze outside.

“Do you feel like this is something that you could do for a living?” Eunhee asks, her voice curious. Soonyoung stops at this, and thinks.

“I guess…” He says. Wonwoo frowns at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean anything,” He says, voice louder than expected, and Junhui lets go of him, moving to stand in front of him. “It’s just that-”

“Soonyoung!” A voice interrupts, and they all look back to see Miyeon standing there, with what Soonyoung recognizes as the other violinists in the orchestra. The ball on her beanie bounces as she talks. “Would you like to join us for a humble celebration after this magnificent concert?”

Soonyoung’s just about to say he’ll catch up on them later when Wonwoo says, “He will.”

He turns to Soonyoung and smiles. “We were about to get home, so you can join them.”

“But won’t you stay to talk a little?” Soonyoung protests, since he really wants to talk more to his friends about all of this. Eunhee wraps the loosely-hanging scarf around his throat tighter and then pats his cheek.

“We would love to, Soonyoung, but we’ve all got work tomorrow.” She does look sorry, so Soonyoung gives her a little nod. “Besides, it’s healthy for you to make new friends. Not just us boring people that only talks about violins and pianos and cellos.”

“They’re violinists in an orchestra, Eunhee,” Soonyoung points out, and Eunhee shrugs.

“Have fun,” Junhui says and hugs him one last time, with extra force this time. “We’ll talk once you get back.”

Soonyoung is happy he got the next day off, since he doesn’t think he could manage to teach classes after such an eventful and (positively) draining night. The four friends hug goodbye and suddenly they’re gone, and Soonyoung walks to Miyeon and her gang of friends.

“Who was that woman?” She asks as she hooks an arm with him on one side and a girl on the other. “She was like, gorgeous.”

Soonyoung laughs. “Her name’s Eunhee, and I have a feeling she’d like you too.”

Miyeon grins and Soonyoung grins back at her, feeling absolutely at peace in that moment.

—

There’s something bright in front of his eyelids, and he feels so warm and comfortable where he’s laying, he doesn’t want to open his eyes and find out what it is. He just lays there, turning to lie on his stomach instead, and when it has gone some time - minutes or hours, he doesn’t know - he feels himself wake up more and more. Finally, he opens his eyes, blinking them awake as he sees sunlight streaming in through his window.

He rolls around again, now laying on his back, and closes his eyes again, just enjoying the lingering feeling of sleep and dreams.

He does open his eyes again when he feels his stomach growl, and he figures he might as well go up since his stomach is going to keep demanding food.

He stumbles to his backpack lying next to the hotel bed, searching for the sandwich he packed for the road and never ate. He finds it and pulls it out, smiling happily as he takes a bite of it. He can feel a sort of tension around his head, but it’s so faint, barely there, that he doesn’t bother taking painkillers for it.

When he sits on his bed, he tries to recall the night before. He remembers all of it clearly after a while: going to some club with Miyeon and her friends, taking small sips of his drink since he felt so energetic without it anyways, dancing and laughing with Miyeon until they came back to the hotel, most of them stumbling. Soonyoung wasn’t drunk at all, just a little tipsy, and he remembers sending a text to Seokmin with a video of himself attached to it. Wonwoo had sent it some hours prior, and Soonyoung remembers falling asleep with his phone cradled in his hands, a dull ache behind his ribcages when he thought about Seokmin watching the video of him playing on stage.

Soonyoung looks for his phone now, finding it on the nightstand and grabs it to check if there are any new messages from Seokmin. There is, but not one he’s expecting.

minnie ♡ - 08:45  
call as soon as you can, okay?

Soonyoung frowns down at his phone. Instead of commenting on the video or the “It was amazing seok!!” he wrote with the video, he asks him to call him. He checks the timestamp and sees it’s sent only two minutes ago. He clicks on the phone button and lifts the phone to his ear, worrying his bottom lip as he waits for Seokmin to pick up.

“Hello?” _Not Seokmin._ Too dark, with what sounds like a lisp.

“Hello,” Soonyoung says, standing up. “Who are you? Where’s Seokmin?”

“I’m Mingyu, Seokmin’s friend?” _Mingyu._ Mingyu, from the supermarket day where the sight of him burned in Soonyoung’s mind. “I’m calling since Seokmin wanted you to come.”

“Come where?” Soonyoung sounds distressed, he can hear it himself, but he doesn’t care what he sounds like, he just wants to _know where the fuck Seokmin is_.

“He’s at the hospital, Soonyoung-ssi. He just had a heart operation.”

—

The car ride feels like hours and days, even though the taxi driver tells him it’s only two hours, and the minutes crawl by so slowly, Soonyoung wonders if they’ve stopped entirely, just to taunt him, to laugh in his face how far away he is from Seokmin.

Mingyu told him that he’s okay now, that he’s gonna be okay, and then Soonyoung demanded to know where he was. Mingyu, flustered by his urgent voice, stammered the name of the hospital and Soonyoung hung up, wasting no more time to dress himself and run to the front of the hotel to get a taxi.

He had left his sandwich, phone charger and an extra pair of socks behind and he had no time to tell Miyeon or anyone else that he was leaving. He thinks that now would be a good time to text them to explain where he has disappeared, but he sees the “5%” on top of the screen and decides to save the battery instead, knowing he needs it to contact Mingyu when he arrives.

During the car ride, he thinks hard about things. Why did Seokmin have an operation? Was it planned, or did something happened during that job thing that forced him to go to the hospital? If it was planned, why didn’t he say anything? If something had happened, why didn’t Mingyu call him immediately? Did it happen just an hour ago or yesterday?

So many questions, and not any answers. As time passes, Soonyoung grows even more anxious, imagining the worst scenarios possible. He can call Mingyu to get his answers, but his phone has already lost 3% by just sitting on his leg, so he gives up on the idea.

Finally, after hours of biting his lips and tugging his hair, the taxi driver pulls up next to the big hospital. Soonyoung quickly gets out the money and presses them into the driver’s outstretched hands before shutting the door and running into the sliding doors of the hospital. He runs to the reception, where a young woman looks up at him with all-too-knowing eyes, asking calmly who he is looking for.

“Seokmin,” Soonyoung breathes out. “Lee Seokmin.”

“I’m sorry, but unless you’re family, I can’t let you-”

“Soonyoung!” A voice cuts in from afar. Soonyoung looks up and there’s Mingyu, winking at him. He walks to him with his long legs, making the distance seem short, and smiles at the woman behind the desk. “He’s with me.”

She nods and smiles at both of them as they walk away, to the right corridor. Mingyu walks next to him with his hands behind his back, and Soonyoung wonders how he can be so calm.

“He’s okay, Soonyoung-ssi, really,” Mingyu says when they stop in front of a white door with the number “206” on it. Soonyoung looks up at him - he’s so _goddamn_ tall - and sees the ghost of a smile on his lips. “He wouldn’t ever give up.”

Soonyoung nods and looks at the door again, eager to walk in the room, but at the same time, terrified. He’s eager to see Seokmin, to touch him and make sure he’s really fine, but he feels the dread creeping under his skin, the dread of the truth of what’s going on.

Mingyu swings the door open before he’s prepared for it, and Soonyoung takes a sharp intake of breath.

There, in a standard, white hospital bed, is Seokmin. Seokmin dressed in a typical hospital gown, laying back in the bed, turned to someone sitting on the chair next to him by the window.

Seokmin must hear the door opening, or sense he’s there in threshold, because he turns in bed. Soonyoung feels his heart jump, and then stop in his chest.

He’s pale, _so_ pale, looking like a ghost against the white sheets. His cheekbones are sharper than usual and his cheeks look so thin, hollow, it makes Soonyoung feel dizzy. The bags under his hair and the damp hair makes him look even sicker, like the life of him has been dragged out all at once.

He looks sick, like a dying man, and it makes Soonyoung’s stomach twist painfully, but then Seokmin does it. He smiles. It’s a smile of utter relief, a foreign concept to Soonyoung, since he always smiles at him like he’s the happiest person in the world, not like his world has crumbled down and he has found a rope to hold onto.

Soonyoung doesn’t hesitate when he sees that smile, when he sees all the fear and sadness and relief in his eyes. He rushes forward to the hospital bed and embraces him, burying his face in the crook of Seokmin’s neck. He hears mumbling and a _We’ll be outside, Seokmin_ before a door closes. He leans back to look at Seokmin, seeing the tired smile on his face, and immediately releases him, releasing it might hurt.

“Hi boss,” Seokmin croaks out, and if Soonyoung wasn’t so afraid and sad and confused, he might’ve punched him for that carefree way of saying it. Soonyoung shuffles to the other side of the bed, pulling the chair closer to the bed and sitting down on it.

“How did the concert go?” Seokmin asks, his voice hoarse and probably unused.

“What happened?” Soonyoung responds with, not giving a goddamn about the fucking concert. “Seokmin, what the hell happened?”

Seokmin sighs, shifting a little in his bed. “Please don’t shout or be angry about this, but… I have a heart condition, Soonyoung. It’s called cardiomyopathy. In short, I have a weak heart that can’t pump around all the blood by itself.”

He takes a little break, panting between talking. Soonyoung wants to tell him to take it easy, but at the same time, he _needs_ to know.

“I’ve already tried some medicine and gotten some devices operated into my heart, but my heart is just too weak. It can get a little better for a while, but it’ll just fall back again to the way it used to be. The doctors had a look at it some months back and they decided I needed a transplant, or else I’d have one year left, maximum.”

He pauses again, and Soonyoung spots the glass of water next to the bed and helps him drink it. Seokmin nods thankfully at him before he continues again.

“The hearts they have here at the hospital are from deceased people and the surgery has to happen very fast for a chance for the patient to survive, so often they’ll take you in only hours before the surgery. This time though, they were fearing that a patient deeply injured by a car crash would not make it, so they told me the day before. …. I’m sorry, Soonyoung, that I couldn’t come. I really wanted to.”

“Hush you,” Soonyoung says, voice wobbly and close to breaking. “Of course your health comes first, it comes before anything else.”

Seokmin nods and spreads out his fingers on the bed, looking expectantly at him. Soonyoung takes his hand, clutching it tightly. “The surgery went well, then? It’s working?”

Seokmin nods again, looking down at their intertwined hands. “It did. The new heart is working and doing its job so far.”

“So far?” Soonyoung asks.

“You can never sure, since it can occur troubles even years after these kinds of surgeries,” Seokmin says calmly, so goddam calmly like he’s _used_ to this. It’s all it takes for Soonyoung to break down in sobs, the morning’s worries and sadness and anxieties finally bursting out in forms of tear uncontrabally spilling down his cheeks.

“Hey now,” Seokmin hushes him, trying to calm him down. He tries to pull him in by his shoulders, but Soonyoung won’t budge, just sitting in his chair with tears running down his cheeks and keeping his gaze firmly on the floor. Soonyoung feel his hand being lifted and suddenly, he feels smooth skin under his palm.

He looks up, and there is Seokmin, holding his hand to his own cheek, resting it there. His cheek is warm and smooth and Soonyoung never wants to take away his hand from there, to assure him that Seokmin is there, that he is okay.

“See?” Seokmin says, gently, like talking to a child. And then, as reading Soonyoung’s mind, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

That makes the tears slip out even faster, but it’s a different kind of crying this time. Not worry and hurt so deep and vast it slices him apart, but relief. Relief that he’s saying this, relief that he really _is_ here.

Seokmin traces his thumb across the back of Soonyoung’s hand, making circles and waves in a steady rhythm. It’s meant to be comforting, and it _is_ , and Soonyoung just wants to fall asleep like this, with Seokmin by his side. The past few hours worry and now crying makes his eyelids feel heavy, but he won’t close his eyes now. He still got a lot of questions, and he won’t rest until he gets some of them answered. He wonders which one of his questions he should start with when a thought comes to mind. _Months back months back months back-_.

“Seokmin… How long have you known you needed a transplant?” He asks, and the thumb on his hand stills.

Seokmin closes his eyes, just enough shame in the fluttering that Soonyoung already knows the answer. “Since April.”

“But that’s when you first started playing at the school…” Soonyoung trails off, meeting Seokmin’s eyes.

“I… wanted to cross off my bucket list, in case the surgery wouldn’t go … well,” he says, pressing Soonyoung’s hand deeper into his cheek. “I have always wanted to learn to play the violin, and Mingyu and Minghao insisted that I literally had no excuses now. That it was then or never. They were so kind to pay for my lessons, too.”

“So you knew?” Soonyoung doesn’t recognize his own voice, so full of hurt it sounds like a sound from a wounded animal. “All along when we’re together, you knew that there was a big chance of you dying?”

“I didn’t think you would come to care about me like this, I just thought it’d be like any other teacher-student relationship,” Seokmin says, then lowering his voice. “I know you’re angry right now, and I don’t blame you, but Soonie... I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want our last time to be full of sadness. And if it would go well, as it _did_ , I didn’t want you to worry about nothing.”

They sit in silence after that, Soonyoung processing all of this new and raw information. _All of those times… He knew._ Was this the reason why he hasn't ever gotten a dog? Is that the reason he’s stuck in this bleak town, why he has never left? How long-

“-have you had this disease?” Soonyoung asks, shuffling even closer with the chair, so it’s now touching the edge of the hospital bed.

Seokmin laughs, a wet, sad sound. “I’d like you in this bed with me, but I think we’re both too big for it.” Then, the laughter disappears from his lips. “I’ve had this since I was born. I got it from my mother.”

Soonyoung remembers Seokmin telling him a while back about his family; both parents dead, no siblings. He remembers feeling sorry for him, because even though Soonyoung’s mother is not like she used to be, he still _has_ her. She’s still here.

“Was that what your mother died from? This heart disease?”

“Yes, and my father died shortly after her. We believe it was heartbreak that did it,” Seokmin looks away from Soonyoung for the first time since he arrived, and Soonyoung can see that his eyes are shining.

He waits, because Seokmin has just been in a surgery and he should not push him to talk, so he waits. Finally, Seokmin looks at him again.

“Soonyoung?” His bottom lip starts quivering. “What if I’ll turn out just like my parents?”

“What do you mean?” This is the most vulnerable Soonyoung has ever seen him, and it makes him want to make it all right.

A tear escapes his eyes, and it slides down to the tip of his nose. “What if it’s my fate? To have the same ending as my parents, and I’m just kidding everyone through trying so hard?”

His voice is a whisper now. “What if I’m a lost cause?”

Soonyoung moves forward, bringing his other hand to cup Seokmin’s face. He looks so sad, so broken, so unlike the man who walks into a room and lights up everything with just one smile. So unlike the man with unending joy and positivity, that would always look with hope and love at something.

Soonyoung’s face is only centimeters from Seokmin’s, so close he can see himself in his eyes. He cradles his face in his hands, speaking the next words with determination.

“You won’t. I won’t let you.”

Seokmin’s hands come up to take hold of his wrists, and with that, looks at him so carefully, so hopefully, so questioningly. Soonyoung looks at his lips as he nods to his silent question, a nod so lightly it could easily be missed or mistaken, but Seokmin gets him, _of course_ , and Seokmin pulls him into himself.

Seokmin’s lips taste like salt and hospital food and new beginnings.

—

There’s a cute guy outside Soonyoung’s door.

He’s dressed in jeans and a black hoodie Soonyoung thought had been lost in the laundry. It’s a little too small on him, making the sleeves hike up his arms, but Soonyoung remembers Seokmin saying something about Soonyoung’s hoodies smelling like him and that it doesn’t matter whether or not they fit him.

He’s standing at the top step of the staircase, balancing what looks like a heavy box on one of his legs while fumbling with unlocking the door. Soonyoung rushes to him when he notices that, to take the box from him, holding it in his arms as Seokmin unlocks the door and they step into the lit hallway.

“Seokmin,” Soonyoung says, firmly. He doesn’t bother kicking off his shoes, knowing there are more boxes to get, and he puts the surprisingly heavy box on the floor.

Seokmin turns. “Soonyoung.” His tone matches his own.

“You should've asked me to carry it,” Soonyoung says, bringing up his hand to Seokmin’s cheek. “You should be careful.”

Seokmin smiles, clasping Soonyoung’s hand on his cheek with his own. “Soonie, I can carry a box by myself. I’ve carried stuff my whole life, so it’s okay. You don’t have to be so worried, you know.”

Soonyoung grinds his teeth. “I can’t just turn it off.”

Seokmin’s hand curls, resting naturally on his cheek as he steadily looks into his eyes. “I know. I know it’s hard. But hyung, I promise you this; I’m not gonna leave you. Not now, not ever. Carrying up a box some stairs won’t take me away from you. My heart can take it. Okay?”

Soonyoung closes his eyes, leaning into his hand. He breathes out. “Okay.”

“Good,” Seokmin’s voice is full of fondness, and it makes Soonyoung smile. He reaches up to grab his hand, pulling him into the kitchen that’s just in the other room. They end up next to the sink, right by the big window. Soonyoung’s leaning on the sink with Seokmin in his arms, the both of them admiring the apartment.

“We really got a nice place, didn’t we?” Seokmin sounds a little dazed while looking around, and Soonyoung shares the feeling. The apartment is big, comfortable for two persons, with an overview of the lake nearby. They already had all of their new furniture moved to the apartment, and it felt strange seeing Soonyoung’s old, battered couch that he has spent countless of lonely nights on in the new living room, _their_ living room. _How things change_ , he mused.

“Yeah, we really did.”

Suddenly, a ringtone blasts out and Soonyoung fishes out the vibrating phone out of his pocket. He looks at the caller and then turns off the phone, putting it back in his pocket. Seokmin looks at him. “Hyung, aren’t you gonna answer that?”

Soonyoung shakes his head. He smiles. “He was probably just wondering how we were settling in. No, he can wait.”

Seokmin smiles too, and tightens his grip on Soonyoung. They stand in silence after that, just taking in the feeling of it all. The orange light from the sun makes Seokmin’s skin look especially soft, and Soonyoung keeps his gaze on him.

He figures that now would be a good time to tell him. “Now, the only thing we have left is two Samoyeds.”

At this, Seokmin looks at him quickly, as Soonyoung knows he would, and there’s a shocked smile on his face. “Do you mean that?”

Soonyoung laughs. “I mean, maybe not exactly now, I think we need to get settled a little first, with your new job and my sheet music writing, but in the near future, yes.”

Seokmin’s smile puts the sun to shame, and Soonyoung knows he would say anything, do anything, to keep it like that.

Seokmin lashes forward, squeezing him in a hug so tight he almost can’t breathe.

“Babe, you’re crushing me,” he wheezes, and Seokmin lets go, but not fully. He wraps his arms around his waist, making the edge of the sink press into Soonyoung’s hips. He doesn’t care about the momentary pain though.

“Sorry,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “I’m longing so much to it already! You, me, and two dogs. Is there anything else I could ever need?”

Soonyoung puts his arms around Seokmin’s neck, clasping his hands together at the nape of his neck. “I should hope not. Isn’t wanting two dogs count as being high maintenance?”

Seokmin steps closer to him, so close Soonyoung can count the lashes on his eyes one by one. “Cut it out. You love it.”

Soonyoung looks up, just a little, and he knows Seokmin loves that; being taller than him, making Soonyoung standing on his toes and reaching up the last few inches it takes to get to his lips.

“Maybe I do. I’ll think about it.”

Soonyoung smiles, and when he does stands on his toes to catch Seokmin’s lips, he feels Seokmin’s smile on his own.

They stand there, in the soft afternoon light; intertwined and together, as it should be. They stand there, pounding hearts beating to the same rhythm, and Soonyoung is sure of one thing, one truth he feels with his whole body.

Everything in Soonyoung’s life has led him to this, every bad and good decision he has ever made. And he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he’d do it all again. That he would do it again and not regret a single thing, because how could he?

With Seokmin in his arms and an easy smile playing at his lips, Soonyoung knows; he wouldn’t trade this for the world.


End file.
